"I did what I had to do." Guppy says. "It took three of us. At one point, I had to stop Koren bringing his sword down on Atton's neck."

His eyes darken.

"You think we didn't talk about it because we wanted to hide things from you? I don't know about Will, or Atton, but the reason why I didn't talk about it was because... because I'm not proud of having killed someone... of being so weak that I nearly cracked up in the middle of the trip... of letting them down over and over again... because things on that trip frightened me, and I've been frightened too long..."

He feels like he's struggling to breathe, but he knows he's hyperventilating. He's also starting to go a funny colour.

"So I bottled it up, repressed it... shoved down everything that was bad, or frightening, or I was ashamed of from that trip. And don't you dare tell Atton it affected me."

He glances at Teja. "What's my pulse rate... at? Feel like I'm dying here."